Tuesday, January 20, 2015


At almost 43, I don't feel this is a good time to bring another baby into my life.  I have two beautiful girls and I think it's time for some me time.

I've been really nauseous lately, having heartburn everyday and eating much more than usual.  I thought maybe I may be pregnant.  I talked to my boyfriend about it.  We both know it's not a good time but we will keep the baby and deal with it then.

I took a pregnancy test and it was negative.  I am very relieved but at the same time very sad.  That would have been our baby.

Dating After Divorce

It's been months since my divorce.  Doesn't seem very long to start dating but my marriage ended years ago.  There was no friendship, no intimacy, no communication....we were living like two roommates that share rent. 

I'm seeing someone now.  He loves me.  He is there for me when I need him.  I believe he genuinely loves me.  I love him too but I am afraid.  There are too many daggers in my heart from previous relationships and I am having a hard time trusting again.  I'm so afraid of another mistake.  I may be unreasonable with my new boyfriend in that I am not 100 dedicating my heart to him.  There are lots of quirks about him that makes me doubt him.  It just might be be over-thinking things but I'm not sure.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Seafood bean salad

Here's an easy version of Texas caviar salad with a few modifications. There's no measuring. Just add your favorite seafood and vegetables.

Squid (cut into segments)
Calamata olives (chopped)
Red and yellow bell peppers
Olive oil
Red or white wine vinegar
Salt Ground black pepper

Bring a pot of water to boil. Shut off the burner and pour seafood into the pot of water. Stir and let it sit for 30 seconds. Don't overcook otherwise they become rubbery. Drain and put into a big bowl. Add all the vegetables and beans into the same bowl.

With a separate bowl mix together olive oil, red or white wine vinegar, a pinch of salt, black pepper and sugar. Mix and pour into the bowl of veggies and seafood. Refrigerate overnight.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

About me.

Update: I'm divorced and have full custody of the kids.  My husband didn't want shared custody.  I didn't asked why.  I guess he didn't want the responsibility of taking care of them.

We are on friendly terms.  I didn't want our relationship to be strained.  It would be difficult for me as well as for the kids.  I let him see the kids anytime he wants.  He's being a much much better father now than he ever was.  Before he wouldn't lift a finger for them, now he's taking them to plays and shopping.  He's even gentler to me.  Before I was just his maid and personal servant.

Hi I'm Angie.

I'm originally from New York, now I live in Connecticut.

I got married at 21 to my first husband, Hector. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 46 (he told me he was 35). WOW 27 year difference. He made me feel secured and smart. He always gave me credit for being smart and having a good head on my shoulders.

After we got married, things changed. He was very controlling. He oversaw every penny I spent and every expense had to be divided in half. For example we like to read the Sunday Daily News. It cost $1. He made sure to collect a dollar from me every other week. One time I had the day off from work and he didn't so I figure I can sleep a little later. He got angry with me and told me it was my job to make him breakfast even if I didn't have to work.

He groomed me to be the wife he wanted me to be to cater to him, to mother him as well as be a wife to him. I didn't see through him.  I left him when I was 28. I am now 40.

Looking back, I can now see that I was in an abusive marriage.  I didn't know at the time since Hector wasn't physical with me.

I read Babycenter community a lot and someone posted a chart.  Looking through it I can relate.

Emotional abuse - Hector used to tell me that there are certain people around the world like his daughter who have a special talent, therefore they special, the rest of the people in the world are fillers just like me. I have a Associates degree, he has a GED.  I think that bothers him a lot.  When I wanted to get my bachelors.  First thing out of his mouth was "What about my dinner?".  He argued with me how I now have a family (it was just him and I...and the dog) and obligations as a wife. There are things that he said to me but escapes me at the moment.

He was what I called a weekend alcoholic.  He doesn't go to the bar.  He drinks at home.  Friday and Saturday nights, he would drink a pint of Barcadi and two 64oz of beer.  (I think it's 64oz. It's the big bottles). He gets nasty when he drinks. He will fight with me.  I couldn't stand when he tried to get touchy feeling.  I got a dog because I was so stressed out by Hector.  My dog Curly was a great dog.  He kept my sanity. 

Economic abuse - Everything was split in half. I paid half of everything even the $1 Sunday paper. After I received my Associates, I started to look for work.  He told me I should help him with his real estate business.  He said what better reference on your resume than owning your own business.  Sounds good but there was no real estate business.  It was just something he was interested in. He works as a housing assistant for the New York Housing Authority, that's why he was interested in real estate. He collects rent from tenants that are in arrears, rents out apartments, etc.  I was lucky enough to get a job very quickly. I wasn't making a lot of money. I made $20,000 a year. We lived in a closed co-op which means that if we sell it we would get back what we put in.  The co-op is his, he paid $7,000 for it.  Not bad for New York.  He refused to put my name on the apt.  He bought it before I met him.  He said I would have to give him half the money.  I knew deep down inside that this marriage may not work and I didn't want any attachment to him if we divorce. Our maintenance fee was a little less than $500 a month.  Now that I was paying for half of everything, he didn't mind so much that I was working.

I made him breakfast in the morning.  I prepared his lunch in the morning or the night before.  I cooked dinner.  I ironed his clothes. I washed his laundry.  I cleaned the house.  He watched TV. He told me those were my job otherwise what's the point of having a wife.

Intimidation - Sometimes when we argue, he would tell me that working with housing he sees lots of women.  Some answer the door in their lingerie.  He said he has lots of chances to cheat but doesn't.  He told me that I will cause him to cheat on me.

Isolation - Hector couldn't stand that to share me with anyone.  My best friend, Teri, and I have known each other since elementary school.  We are best friends.  Hector hated that she was my friend.  Every time we have an argument, he blames Teri.  He said she was putting things in my head that she wanted us to divorce.  Towards the end of our marriage, Hector admitted that he thought Teri was gay and that she wanted me for herself.  Further than the truth.  Teri loves men. This was all in his head since he could stand anyone else loving me.  He hated that I wanted to visit my mom once in a while on Sundays. I invited him to come along but he refused.  It only takes 7 minutes to walk to mom's.  She lives in the apartments that Hector manages. He didn't allow me to go to family functions.  Family members often wonder why they never see me. I was very lonely.  I was not allow to visit Teri.  He accuses me of going to look for men to cheat with when I'm with her.  That was never the case or an indication I was doing that.  I would visit her once in a long while at her parent's apartment.  They extended an open invitation to him but he finds them boring however, he does go there during the holidays for food.

I met an elderly woman in our building.  We have the same breed of dogs (Pomeranian).  That's what bonded us.  Rose had Alzheimers so she would repeat her stories over and over again.  I didn't mind, she was an interesting person and I have lots of patience for people. We became friends quickly.  Hector allowed me to go visit her.  I would go visit her on Friday or Saturday night to get away from Hector.  I would come home around 11pm when I know he would be passed out drunk.

Hector and I had our good times.  We went on vacation and go biking but the bad times outweigh the good.

Children - Hector has two children.  His daughter is 5 years older than me and his son is 3 years older than me. I wanted children but Hector didn't want.  Of course, this turns out to be a blessing.

I was afraid to go home to my parents since Hector manages the building.  I was very naive.  I was afraid he would do something to make my parents lose their apartment.  I suffered in silence and never told my parents anything.  My mother couldn't stand him.  He does apartment inspection every year.  He would go in my parents apartment and not say a word to them. My mother could see that I was not happy but I wouldn't admit to anything.  My plan was to be able to move out on my own and live by myself. Took me seven years to leave him.  As lousy of a husband he was, I didn't want to hurt him because I know he loved me but was just very controlling and only wanted me for himself. It took years to get up the courage and clear my mind that I must go.  At the end, I went to church everyday during lunch to help me through this.  I prayed a lot.  One day when I was lighting a candle, something clicked.  It became very clear in my mind that I had to leave.  What would be different five years from now if I remain married.  I would be wasting my youth.

I can understand why Hector picked me.  It's very easy to manipulate a young girl and control a young girl and mold her to tailor to his needs. Older women tend to know better and see through him.

I ran into him a few years ago after not seeing him for eight years.  He apologized for the way he treated me.  He cried and said that may be we would still be together if he treated me better. I accepted his apology.  What's the point of bringing up the past.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

@##%%&& Clogged toilet

We have two toilets. One on the main floor and one in the basement which no one uses. When the sink starts draining slowly, I know there's a flood downstairs.  I called the plumber and he said he will be here in a few hours. Nine hours later he shows up. The basement is flooded with two inches of water. Been downstairs all morning today with my shop vac vacuuming up water and throwing away tons of cardboard boxes. I'm tired.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Couch to 5K as of July 2012

Now that summer vacation started for the kids, working out at the gym is not practical.  I decided to extend my Couch to 5K workouts.  I try to run three times a week.  Instead of one run, I do two runs.  Eg. My first run would be Week 5 Day 1.  When I'm done, I'll turn around and do and easy run such as Week 1 Day 1.  I feel great afterwards.  I can feel a difference in my muscle tone. I've gained two pounds but it's muscle gain not fat.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

E finally poop in the toilet!!!

Took a few days of Miralax but she is finally potty trained.  We promised her a Barbie doll if she poops in the toilet. She is so happy.  Dancing around and yelling that she's getting her Barbie.  She held in her poops for four days. Will not share pics :-0